Do you have an abuse problem?
If you are concerned about being abusive with your partner, ask yourself these questions and consider them as the warning signs of a problem.
- Do you feel that sometimes you just snap and lose it?
- Do you say or do things you later regret?
- Was there violence in your family?
- During conflict do you often threaten others, break things, punch walls, slam doors, ignore them, or leave?
- Do you have mood swings, where one moment you feel loving and affectionate, and the next moment angry and threatening?
- Have you ever used physical violence (shoved, grabbed, hit, slapped, choked, etc.) with your partner, or any past partners?
- Do you tend to blame others for your behavior, especially your parents, partner, or children?
- Are you a very jealous person?
- Do you try to control how your partner thinks, dresses, who they see, who they look at or talk to, how they spend their time, how they spend their money?
- Do you try to discourage your partner from seeing their friends or family?
- Do you get angry or resentful when your partner is successful in a job or hobby?
- Do your conversations quickly escalate into threats of separation or divorce?
- Do you ever threaten to hurt your partner, yourself, or others, if they talk about leaving you?
- Do you do or say things that are designed to make another person feel "crazy" or "stupid"?
- Do you blame alcohol, drugs, stress, or other life events for your behavior?
- Do you feel guilty after aggressive behavior and then strive for forgiveness?
- Do you think that you could never live without your partner, yet other times want them out?
- Do you use sex, money, privileges, or other favors as a way to "make up" after conflict in order to stop feeling guilty?
- Is your partner or child afraid of you sometimes?
Answering yes to any of these questions indicates an abuse problem.
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